The Power of Socratic Thinking: Transforming Your Decisions and Relationships
I don’t claim to have all the answers, not even some—honestly, I doubt anyone truly does. But I’ve found that life teaches us more when we approach it as a curious student rather than a self-proclaimed expert. Besides, many ‘experts’ tend to change their minds to align with trends and social reach (or more concerningly… never change their perspectives at all).
“An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Let’s be honest: Socrates was onto something. If he were around today, he’d probably have his own podcast, asking questions like, “But why do you think that?” and leaving us all questioning our life choices in the best way possible (or, depending on your temperament, spiralling into existential dread). But that’s the point, isn’t it? To ask, reflect, and understand—not just ourselves, but the world we live in and the people we share it with.
This is where we begin: with questions. Why do we do what we do? What are we really seeking? How often do we mistake motion for meaning, busyness for purpose? These are just a few of the thousands of questions that have filled my Evernote for over a decade… with good intention to someday, do something with them (or more importantly, just to get them out of my thoughts so I can sleep at night).
So here I am—finally putting these reflections into words that, hopefully, resonate with you. The timing feels oddly fitting. Here in Australia, the government is attempting to pass the 2024 Misinformation and Disinformation Bill—a move that could severely limit our freedom of speech, introducing a level of control over dialogue that feels eerily Orwellian. This legislation, which threatens the open exchange of ideas, serves as a stark reminder of how critical independent thought and inquiry are in maintaining a free and flourishing society.
At the same time, I recently came across an episode of Chris Williamson’s Modern Wisdom podcast featuring Donald J. Robertson, a writer and cognitive-behavioural psychotherapist, discussing his soon-to-be-released book, How to Think Like Socrates. The conversation brought me back to the lessons I’ve learned from Socrates over the years and the profound impact Socratic thinking has had on my thought processes, reflections, and, more broadly, on my life and way of being. It’s funny how reminders tend to show up just when we need them most, gently nudging us in the right direction—even if we go kicking and screaming.
The Art of Curiosity and Questioning (And Why It Matters)
Socrates didn’t ask questions to win arguments or sound clever (though let’s admit, he probably did enjoy sending people mad with relentless questioning). He asked questions because he understood their power.
Questions peel back the layers, exposing assumptions and uncovering the “why” behind our actions.
What motivates your choices?
Are you driven by love, fear, curiosity, or expectation?
Do you truly know, or have you been running on autopilot, guided by forces you haven’t fully examined?
What if we applied this same curiosity to others? Instead of judging a person based purely on their behaviour, ask:
What might they be protecting, avoiding, or striving for?
As Plato (or was it Ian Maclaren?) once suggested, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
In today’s world, we’ve become accustomed to delivering absolute opinions rather than engaging in genuine inquiry. Social platforms amplify this habit, transforming comment threads into endless streams of unsolicited advice, criticism, and firmly held opinions—all too often devoid of any real effort to seek context or understanding. We might see comments along the lines of:
“This is just how it is—end of story.”
”Anyone who disagrees clearly doesn’t understand the facts.”
“If you don’t see it this way, you’re part of the problem.”
“There’s nothing more to discuss—it’s obvious.”
These statements often shut down dialogue before it even begins, leaving no room for curiosity, context, or alternative perspectives. They reflect a certainty that resists challenge, effectively turning a potential conversation into a dead end.
Socratic questioning offers a refreshing alternative to these closed-off statements. Instead of shutting down dialogue, it opens the door to curiosity and reflection with questions like:
“What makes you see it that way?”
“What assumptions might I be making here?”
“How could we look at this differently?”
These kinds of questions don’t just invite conversation—they create space for understanding, even amidst disagreement.
Practical Example
Statement: “Wealth makes people greedy.”
Question: “Does wealth inherently cause greed, or does it amplify what’s already there?”
By challenging our beliefs, we refine them—or discover new truths altogether.
Learning Through Reflection (and a Little Humility)
No one wakes up thinking, “Today, I’m going to make the worst decision possible.” Every choice feels like the best and most logical one at the time, and then looking back, that very decision makes us cringe whilst hindsight laughs in our faces —along with some well-meaning family and friends who also like to provide us with righteous criticism about our less than stellar decisions after the fact. Thanks for that! I understand… this feedback generally comes from a caring place, so we’ll just call it character building feedback and add it to the resiliency bank.
A touch of wisdom from another one of our philosophical friends:
“It is really true what philosophy tells us, that life must be understood backwards. But with this, one forgets the second proposition, that it must be lived forwards.”
It’s easy to judge others when we haven’t walked their path… and It’s easy to see someone else’s actions and think, “I’d never do that.” If we believe we act with good intentions, why assume others don’t? Maybe their choices came from survival, hope, or just trying to figure things out—much like our own.
Socratic questioning invites us to replace judgement with curiosity:
“What circumstances might have led to this decision?”
“What deeper need or belief was driving their actions?”
When we approach others with this mindset, we open the door to compassion. We see their humanity—and, in turn, deepen our connection to them.
Practical Reflection: Post-Gaming Your Decisions
Think of a choice you’ve made that you later regretted. Take a moment to step back and reflect:
What felt logical at the time?
What belief or need were you trying to meet?
Were there underlying fears, hopes, or assumptions driving your decision?
If you had paused to ask yourself a question in that moment, what might it have been?
Now consider how you could apply this reflection to future choices. Instead of reacting instinctively, what would it look like to pause and ask yourself:
“What am I really trying to achieve here?”
“Is this decision aligned with my values and long-term goals?”
When we reflect honestly on our decisions, we uncover patterns in our thinking—ones that can guide us toward making better choices in the future. And if we practice doing this for ourselves, we’re more likely to extend the same curiosity and grace toward others.
This is the perspective that I like to take in observation and reflection, and it’s the perspective that I endeavour to use in my articles and in life—to the best of my capacity at any given time… No one’s perfect, nor do I aspire to be.
A bit of creative licence applied to the original…
“Someone’s life/ what we know about their life”
This version prompts curiosity towards what we truly share outwardly with the world. How many versions of us have we created in the public eye? Are any of them an accurate reflection of who we truly are? How edited are they to make us appear different to our internal reality?
And then there’s the compulsion that some have for oversharing on the social platforms… Could this be a habit of blasting out a stream of consciousness, void of curious contemplation beforehand? We’ll leave that one for another day…
The Tension Between Instinct and Reflection
We live in an era powered by consistent technological advancement. The world accelerates faster than ever, yet our human "hardware and software" isn’t quite ready to hit "install update"—not just yet. Elon is working hard on that though!
Forged by the slow progress of evolution, our instincts, nervous systems, minds and behaviours remain wired for an ancestral world—small, familiar communities where shared customs and values felt safe. Novelty, while intriguing, often registers as a threat to our nervous systems. This hardwiring, designed to protect us, now often leaves us reactive, intolerant, and, let’s face it, easily offended.
Fast-forward to today, where technology connects us across vast distances but often at the expense of genuine understanding. How often do we truly engage with the perspectives of others, rather than reacting defensively or clinging to familiar beliefs?
This dissonance—between our primal instincts and the complexity of modern life—shows up everywhere. We crave belonging yet feel isolated. We desire understanding yet struggle to truly listen to hear and understand. Our instincts, while protective, can create barriers where we desperately need bonds.
The Question of Flourishing: Happiness vs. Eudaimonia
What does it mean to live a good life? For Socrates (and later Aristotle), the answer wasn’t fleeting happiness but Eudaimonia: a state of flourishing.
Eudaimonia is more than just feeling good. It’s about living with purpose, virtue, and alignment. Where happiness might be an emotional high, eudaimonia is a state of being—ongoing, resilient, and deeply fulfilling.
Happiness vs. Eudaimonia:
Happiness: Emotion, temporary, driven by pleasure, can be achieved immorally.
Eudaimonia: State of being, enduring, driven by excellence, requires virtue.
Practical Reflection: The Why Behind Your Actions
1. Examine Your Decisions:
Think of a recent decision or action. Ask yourself: Why did I choose this?
What belief, value or need was I trying to satisfy? (or ignoring)?
2. Challenge Your Assumptions:
What might I be missing?
How could a different perspective, some new information or additional context shift my understanding?
3. Be Curious About Others:
What might they be protecting or striving for?
How can I better understand their motivations?
How could understanding their “why” change your perspective?
Question: Are you seeking fleeting bouts of happiness, or, are you striving for Eudaimonia?
Ask yourself: What desires am I pursuing and why? Are they leading to temporary satisfaction/ relief or long-term growth? Are they truly my desires and aspirations, or are they for image’s sake, to keep up with the assumed success of others, or to be accepted, respected, or noticed?
Consider: Are my actions aligned with my values? Am I building a life that feels meaningful, not just busy or impressive?
An Invitation to Reflect and Question Our Intentions (Playfully)
The Socratic method isn’t just about intellectual exercises—it’s a way of living. By embracing curiosity over certainty, observation over judgement, and playfulness over self-importance, we can navigate the complexities of modern life with a bit more grace—and maybe even joy.
And questioning doesn’t have to be heavy or overly serious. It’s an invitation to laugh at ourselves, to take life and humour seriously, but never take ourselves too seriously. In that space of lighthearted curiosity, we often find the deepest truths.
“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.”
A Personal Reflection: Breathing Life into Dormant Ideas
As I sit here finally publishing a website that had been sitting dormant for two years (the concept itself... an awful lot longer), in honour of Socratic reflection and thinking, it seems only fair that I post-game this act—exploring the intention behind it, the value in the actions, and what it means for me moving forward. For years, I’ve written articles—quiet reflections and explorations of ideas—that seemed to take on an evergreen quality. That’s the beauty of foundational thinking when it’s aligned with nature: it endures. We may tweak our perspectives and gain new insights over time (hopefully), but the core principles remain true.
Through my own reflections, I understand that this hesitation to publish wasn’t about readiness—it was about fear and avoidance. Fear of being misunderstood, judged, or failing to meet my own standards, and avoidance of having presence in the public space of the social media wasteland. But… there’s little value in buried ideas that never see the light of day. A wise man once said:
“Don’t Die With Your Music Still In You.”
It’s here that I’m reminded of a Platonic idea: those least inclined to step forward and share their voice are often the ones who should, precisely because their motivations come from a place of thoughtfulness and care, rather than self-interest. It’s a reminder that stepping into visibility, despite fear, can hold value far greater than we might realise.
The irony of this reflection isn’t lost on me, especially in the context of this article and the Socratic method. Whilst I strive not to assume the true intentions of others, I remain perpetually observant and curious about human behaviour, particularly the underlying intentions and motivations that may be driving actions. However, I consciously reserve judgement and refrain from drawing conclusions about a person’s subjective reality. That said, it’s evident that some public-facing figures and influencers openly capitalise on others purely for their personal success. This stands in stark contrast to the principle of reciprocity, which I deeply value. True reciprocity thrives on mutually respectful and beneficial exchanges, where intentions are transparent, and value is shared in good faith.
As the saying goes, “An unfair deal never lasts long.” This serves as a guiding principle, reminding us that relationships—whether personal or public—flourish when built on trust, integrity, and an equitable exchange of value .
So here I am, breathing life into what was once dormant, sharing the foundational truths that have shaped my journey and, perhaps, might inspire yours. This is the beauty of reflection: it doesn’t just help us make better choices; it reminds us that it’s never too late to act.
What questions guide your life? Share your reflections in the comments.
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Thanks for coming along on the journey so far,
Lisa x
